Sei sicuro?

“Are you sure?”.

Are you sure it’s better we speak english?

Very sure, Franco. I have never been so sure in my life.

Take into account that my english is very traballing. I never took the six at school.

Don’t worry about that, my english is traballing too.

Allora che --

“So what”.

So what we speak english to do?

Look, there was a time when italian music was the most important music in the world.

Yes, I remember.

I’m talking of centuries ago, Franco.


We can practically say that music is an italian invention: allegro, sonata, fortissimo...

“Happy”, “played”, “very strong”...

What I’m trying to say is that things are changed a lot from then. Now Italy doesn’t count anything anymore. For example, yesterday I bought the tetralogy of Wagner on dvd, okay?


And nothing, there are english subtitles, german subtitles, french subtitles, spanish subtitles, perhaps even dog subtitles, but no italian subtitles.

I cannot believe my ears?

Believe them, because it’s true. And you know the worst thing?


Now italian people are no more admitted in theatres.



That’s very fastidious.

So, if tonight we want to go inside and listen to the opera, we must say we are from Detroit and speak english to the officer.

The officer?

The person, the mask, the ticket seller...


Or you prefer to go home and listen to Giovanni Allevi on tv?

No, please.

Italian music has gone a bit involving after Monteverdi, don’t you think so? Monteverdi, Vivaldi, Rossini, Verdi, Allevi and then? What will come after Allevi? Wind from the bottom?

Wind from the bottom?

Yes, air from the back, whistle of the anus... I don’t know how they say in english.


You see, your english is much better than mine.


I sweat.

You what?

I sweat over my head.

That’s not possible.

Don’t take me around, please.


Don’t take me around, don’t bring me away, don’t... oh, forget it. Are you ready?

Just the last thing.


And if they discover that we are just two italians with a bad english?

That will not happen, trust me. They will believe that we are two americans with some problems in the head.

How can you be sure?

Because I have a medical certification.


My doctor is a piece of cake. Here it is the certification, look: it states that I have a “silly brain” and that you are my sustain teacher. Silly brained too, obviously.

You’re a genius!

Exactly. But remember: don’t say that I’m a genius in front of the officer, or he will discover us.